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Getting Along Well With Others
and Staying Out Of Trouble.
Little children do not communicate well, they don't listen, they speak out of turn, and say and do what they want. Teens need to learn to communicate so they can grow into adults.
Learn about:
1. Listening
2. Speaking
3. Button Pushing
4. Privacy
1. Listening
A. You miss the first couple of words in a new sentence spoken to you, you catch the middle of the sentence, and miss the ending because you are thinking about what you heard. The words or sentences you missed may be important. Other people want to feel as if they are important enough to be listened to also. Not just your words are important, everyone's are and they want to be heard.
B. You hear what you want, not what is being said. You react to innocent statements as how they pertain to you, and they don't always pertain to you. If a teacher tells you to sit down, it is a general order. A student's job is to follow orders. She is simply telling you to sit, even if you take it as a challenge and a battle of wills which you feel you must win at all costs, no matter how much trouble it gets you into. If you stop and think about it, the order is not a personal comment, just simply an order to be followed. It is just too bad that you don't like to follow orders, but here in the real world, that is how things work. Even if you were the best paid lawyer in the world, you still have to take orders from your co-workers, family and government, among others.
C. Good communication comes from learning to listen.
2. Speaking
A. Sometimes another person's comments will need a response from you. Often they do not. An order from an adult never needs a response unless it is, "Yes Sir" or something similar. For the most part, by the time an adult has given a child an order, it is already thought out and not negotiable. Arguing or discussing it, will only get you into trouble. You can't win by arguing with an order. You may think you are the smartest person in the world, but you must learn that even the guy who really is the smartest man in the world, has learned to follow orders.
B. Learn when to speak and when to be quiet. You can be ahead in a conversation and have everyone agreeing with you, but in your learned desire to continue speaking, you sink your own ship.
C. Always having to win, and having the last word will destroy every relationship you try to build in your life. Learn to control your mouth and don't let it control you.
D. Silence is Golden. There is nothing wrong with a little quiet. It is a very nice thing to have. If people have to listen all the time, they will stop hearing that person. Try to enjoy a little silence, no talking, no TV, no noise at all. If you can not be comfortable in silence, play with a Game Boy on mute or listen to music with headphones and still let the others in the room enjoy the quiet. When in a car, listen to the radio, look out the window and remind yourself not to comment on every single thing you see and hear. Your family loves you and wants to hear what you say, but not all the time, all day, with no break.
3. Button Pushing
A. Don't let people push your buttons. The minute they push your button and you react and defend yourself, they win. You have lost the moment you opened your mouth. Better to laugh at the person, turn and walk away. Nothing will bother them more than not being given the chance to watch you lose your cool. You win by denying them the ability to rile you. Learn to hide your buttons so they can't be used against you. When you laugh off a button, you take it away from the other person and it can no longer be used.
B. Don't push other people's buttons. The minute you push someone else's button, hit them in the underbelly for a desired effect, you lose. A good arguer can win by not hitting below the belt. Stick to the facts if you really want to win. You don't want people to see you as a button pusher, they won't want to be around you and learn what a wonderful person you really are. If you push someone's button and they fight back, what have you accomplished? Not a thing productive! If they walk away from the argument, you have also accomplished nothing. Remember the Golden Rule and do unto others what you want them to do to you. There is a big difference between saying something that upsets someone and then moving on, than saying something with the full intention of only upsetting them.
C. Learn to argue a point without making it personal. If someone says male bunnies don't have breasts, listen to the person with your full attention. State that in your opinion that they do have them. Now stop talking. A smart person does not try to be an expert on everything in the world, nor does he have to change the mind or opinion of everyone he speaks to. It is enough to know that you are right and be glad that you are smart. Every person in the world is too sensitive about something. That will never change, we are all part of the human race. When you find a person's button, just try to stay away from it.
4. Privacy
A. In your desire to have privacy, you must respect that of others. You may not talk about family and friends to the outside world. You don't want them to discuss you.
B. Not every conversation in the world involves you because you can hear it. If two teachers are talking, keep walking. If you are in your room upstairs and Ma and Dad are talking downstairs in the living room, you do not need to put in your two cents. You are not in the conversation. You are in the conversation if the other person is speaking to you personally or you as part of a group of people.
C. If you are in your room and your sister is in hers, you are not obligated to speak to her every time you go by the door. Conversation does not need to be non-stop during the day. It is Ma's job to deal with house rules, not yours. You do not set bed times, make rules for the family, or tell anyone in the house what to do. It is a fair world if you make it so, very unfair if you perceive it to be and beat a dead horse. Do what you are supposed to do, when it is expected to be done, watch you tongue, and be amazed at how wonderful life is when you learn that every conversation is not an unfair plot aimed at you personally.
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